Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
They took my balls.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
