that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
