Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
two words...techno handjob
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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