i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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