The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
