Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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