I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
