Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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