when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
