He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
