cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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