Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
