I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
