this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
