I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
