had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
