it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
