So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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