What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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