You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
