I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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