Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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