What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
