did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
