OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
