finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize