just come out here and I will go home with you...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
