The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
