I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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