you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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