So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
