I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
