like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I looked at my own cervix.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
