My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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