Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
