Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
