i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize