so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
