you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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