he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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