Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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