Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
