if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
