in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
