hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
