why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
