i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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