How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize