You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
