he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
