I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
