My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
