I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
