Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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