i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Banned from zoo.
Again?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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