so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
