it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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