Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
