How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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