I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
