$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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