If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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