I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
how does that bad decision feel?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
