Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the day after is always just damage control
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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