I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
